1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...MY NAME IS PAUL...HEYMAN! As always, Paul, you get right down to the point and let us know exactly what your client, the BEAST, BROCK...LESNAR...will do at Summer Slam. And I believe he *will* do it. After all, it's what's best for business, and "bad things happen to good people when they step into the ring with Brock Lesnar." Paul Heyman is the greatest manager in the history of the WWE. (Bobby Heenan was until Paul showed up.) Great promo. Heyman promises that Lesnar will lay a smackdown the likes of a Shakespearean tragedy.
2. Oh... "Hint, hint"? Does that mean Hulk Hogan is going to get his tuchus handed to him during tonight's birthday celebration?
3. Oh, and Heyman goes with the rhyme to mock the Doctor of Thuganomics! GREAT STUFF!!!
4. Weird Al with the birthday wishes for Hulk Hogan!!! YES!!!
5. Korporate Kane is back. Apparently he gave Steffi his mask last week because he felt he let the Authority down by not beating Reigns. *sigh* I was hoping he'd oppose the Authority before this was all over. Maybe he still will.
6. Korporate Kane makes a handicap match between Roman Reigns and AxleBack. (Nope, still won't call them RybAxle.) I think Reigns wins a brutal match and then takes a beatdown.
7. Yes, I think it's about time to turn Ryback again. He's a better face than a heel. They ended his face run much too soon, and it would be cool to hear "Feed me more" again without the jeers attached.
8. Reigns kept control until Axle provided a distraction (twice) on the apron. And it's probably getting ugly during the commercial.
9. AxleBack DQed for throwing Reigns into the ringpost after they'd been warned. They try to take him out, but he makes a comeback in the ring. He throws Ryback out of the ring and hits his jump-kick on Axel. Then he throws Ryback into the ringpost and hits his Superman Punch on both. SPEAR on Ryback. SPEAR on Axle. Guess I had it backwards.
10. In the ring, Reigns tells Renee that he's not scared of Orton. Then we go backstage, where Orton takes a shot at Kane for not getting the job done last week. Kane tells Orton he has a match tonight against Sheamus to get him ready for Summer Slam.
11. Steffi brings out Daniel Bryan's supposed physical therapist, "Megan," who says that she and Daniel have been having an affair. Brie comes out and smacks the hell out of Megan and then attacks Steffi, locking in the Yes! Lock until Finley and Jamie Noble break them up. Steffi says this will be finished tonight rather than at Summer Slam.
12. Drew Brees birthday wishes!
13. Nice back and forth between Bray Wyatt and Chris Jericho. Jericho promises to be the first one to leave Bray speechless! I'd love to see that!
14. AJ vs. Eva Marie. AJ should win easily, but will Paige cause issues? Eva doesn't have the tools to beat anyone, but she will probably win this match. But I think she'll pay for it after.
15. Paige with the distraction, skipping around the ring. Eva rolls her up for the quick non-title victory.
16. Paige recites a Roses Are Red poem to apologize for pushing AJ off the stage last week. What's with all the rhyming this week?
17. Eva is still at ringside for some reason, and AJ beats the heck out of her. Now *that* is entertainment! Then she skips away with the Divas belt.
18. John Cena comes out (in a new red hat and shirt--he needs to go classic and wear the 8-bit shirt). When's did he last wrestle? Anyway, Cena promises that he will not lay down for Brock Lesnar. He says he will...not...lose, that Brock doesn't deserve the championship. He pretty much calls Brock a mercenary. He has the crowd run through all their various chants: "You can't wrestle;" "Let's go Cena;" "Cena suck!" He says he won't turn, but he will become a beast to fight the beast. He calls Brock out, but Brock doesn't come out. "This Sunday, I am the one that beats the one." I may not be a huge fan of this match, but the build-up by Heyman and Cena has been n56othing short of brilliant.
19. Brie nearly trips as she stalks down to the ring. Steffi comes out and says the match has to wait until Summer Slam because "Megan" is pressing charges against Brie for assaulting her. Steffi says she'll see Brie at Summer Slam...if Brie makes bail.
20. Main event: Sheamus v. Orton. I assume Orton wins, but there may be some funny business after.
21. The match started disappointingly slow, but we've seen pretty much everything you'd expect from these two.
22. And Sheamus mocks Orton's fist pound before missing the Brogue. Sheamus then counters the RKO. He goes up top, but Sheamus hits the RKO when Sheamus jumps and pins him for the victory. Looked impressive, thought not as impressive when he hit the RKO on Evan Bourne who was in flight doing his 360 splash.
23. "Mean" Gene Okerlund and "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart are out to introduce Hulk Hogan! All the superstars are on the stage as Hogan comes out. And yes, I did mark out hard when Hogan's music hit. Nice video tribute. Hulk shills for the WWE Network.
24. Time to mark out again! Out comes Ric Flair! (Great to have Mean Gene announcing! Love that voice!) Paul Orndorff! Love the kaiser stache! Wow, does he look old! Rowdy Roddy Piper!
25. And here's Kevin Nash and Scott Hall for the NWO reunion! YES!!! Wow, do they look ancient! Hulk actually looks a little overwhelmed. HEY YO!!! Scott sounds pretty good...for how bad he's sounded at times lately. Hulk has the Black and White under the Red and Gold! Nash sings the birthday song to Hogan...
26. ...and Lesnar interrupts and comes to the ring. No sign of the other superstars on the stage. Lesnar looks disparagingly on the Geritol Generation as he stands on the apron. Lesnar bumps Piper. Hulk tries to look ready for action. Lesnar calls him "Grampa" and tells him the party's over.
27. Cena runs down to the ring, spoiling for a fight. Lesnar smiles and climbs out of the ring as the show fades to black.
Not a great show, but the build to Summer Slam was good, and the chance to mark out on the classic superstars was worth the price of admission.
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